


Infinite Stars

by Reign_of_Rayne



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Peter Quill Feels, Peter Quill didn't deserve any of this, Peter's family problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2018-11-13 08:20:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11180784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reign_of_Rayne/pseuds/Reign_of_Rayne
Summary: She found him in the cargo bay, running his thumb over his new music device and staring at nothing.  He didn't react to her approach. Only when she sat down did he even look at her.





	Infinite Stars

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: spoilers for Guardians of the Galaxy 2.

"Have any of you seen Peter?"

"He ain't up here," Rocket said from the cockpit.  Drax grunted a negative from where he sat sharpening his swords.  Gamora had already checked with Groot before coming back to the cockpit and had gotten a similar response. 

Peter had three main haunts: the cockpit, his room, and the common area.  Gamora had now checked each three times.

"Why're you lookin' for him, anyway?" Rocket asked.  "Not that I care, but you're distractin' me."

Gamora cocked her head.  Rocket's attitude wasn't fooling anyone anymore, but he was stubbornly clinging to it anyway.

"I am worried about him."

"C'mon, the kid's tough.  He'll be fine."

"A planet that nearly killed him is his father," Drax pointed out.  "That is a deeply disturbing revelation."

"Right," Rocket said after a pause.  "Okay, whatever.  Have you tried the cargo bay?  I've seen him in there a few times."

"I haven't.  Thank you, Rocket."

"Yeah, yeah."

In the end, she found him in the back of the cargo bay, running his thumb over his new music device and staring at nothing.  He didn't react to her approach. Only when she sat down did he look at her, and even then it was only a brief glance.  There was something heavy in his eyes that pulled at his shoulders, making his entire body appear smaller.

Gamora shifted so that the crate behind her did not dig into her back and then settled into wait.  Whatever was weighing on Peter's mind was not something she could solve by forcing him to.  They had all tried to get him to open in their own way—Rocket asking for help on a machine, Drax inviting him to spar, Groot sharing his video games.  Even though Peter had behaved with all the energy and humor they had all come to expect, he had never really opened up, even after he and Rocket had argued about it enough to start shouting at each other.

That left Gamora little choice but to sit across from him in the quiet cargo bay and wait for Peter to—as Rocket would say—get his head out of his ass.  She had brought her sword, Godslayer, and passed the time by cleaning the weapon.  The movements were familiar, almost ritualistic.  She always did this after every battle, and it had grown from that into a way for her to calm herself and focus her thoughts when she had the time to spare.  In the background, the ship hummed, subtle vibrations periodically traveling through the metal floor.

After almost five minutes, Peter shifted and cleared his throat.

"I can still see it."

She paused at the sound of Peter's voice and then continued rubbing her specialized cloth over the inscribed metal of her sword.  If her presence was enough to prompt him to speak, she would not provide commentary; she would simply listen.

"My...father, Ego.  When we were there, he—he showed me his...vision for the universe.  His plan.  Every planet an extension of him, everything else dead.  Absorbed."

Though she didn't speak, feelings of revulsion stirred in Gamora's stomach.

"Looking at it now, I'm—I'm horrified, but."  Peter stopped speaking and took several deep breaths.  "I still think about it.  When I close my eyes.  When I sleep, I dream about it.  And I miss it.  I get...this empty feeling.  I don't even know what to call it.  It's not regret—I would do it all again if I had to—but it's not _good_."

Gamora had to focus on keeping the movements of her arm slow and steady.  This was what Peter had been sitting on for weeks now.  This was what they had all been trying to get him to open up about.

She could understand why he had been so determined to ignore it.  Acknowledging feelings like that out loud made them real in a way that simple thought could not.

"When I first saw it," Peter continued quietly, "I was amazed.  Awed, even.  That plan and its result was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.  More than that.  I can't even—there's no way for me to really describe what it was to me.  Like I'd been made whole, even though I've never felt like I was anything less.  Like I was just...waiting for it, and when Ego showed it to me, everything snapped into place.  It all  _fit_."

He shuddered.  "Every time I think about it now, I still get echoes of that, of me and Ego working to make the entire universe _us_.  It's not something I'd ever, _ever_ want to do or let happen, but there's part of me that clearly hasn't gotten the message."

He tried to sound lighthearted at the end, but Gamora wasn't fooled.  Still, she said nothing.

Peter was silent for almost three minutes, long enough for Gamora to finish cleaning.  She continued the motions anyway.

"I guess what I'm struggling to say is...I—there's something wrong with me.  Even when he was literally using me as a _battery_ , part of me wanted to give in and let him for the sake of that vision.  Part of me was trying to tell me it was right, that I should just give in.  It wasn't just him.  It was _me_."  Peter tipped his head back so that it rested against the cargo bay wall.  "What kind of hero wants to see the universe destroyed?"

Gamora flipped Godslayer over and began cleaning the other side again.

"I know it's ridiculous. Ego's dead.  He's never coming back.  But I can't—I can't get his dream out of my head.  I close my eyes and there's this universe of stars, the planets all made in Ego's image, and I know I should be rejecting it with everything I am but I'm _not_."

He chewed his lip and then quietly admitted, "I can't even sleep."

That would certainly explain why Rocket had suddenly been getting many more turns in the cockpit than usual.

"What if it happens again?" Peter whispered.  "What if I... _slip_ , at the wrong moment?  I—the echoes won't stop.  I could get you guys killed."

And that was crossing the line. 

Gamora flicked her wrist and Godslayer retracted back into its hilt.  When she made eye contact with Peter, she could see the pain in his eyes that had been mirrored in his voice.  "You are a Guardian of the Galaxy," she said.  Peter stiffened.  "One of five.  Trust in the rest of us to be strong enough to help you and still take care of ourselves.  All you need to do is ask."

"Gamora, I—" he struggled to find the words and then let the sentence drop.

"You are part Celestial," Gamora said after a moment, and it wasn't a question.

"Not really anymore—" Gamora narrowed her eyes—"but yes, definitely, yeah."

"When Ego presented his plan, he wasn't appealing to your human half," Gamora continued.  "He was winning over your Celestial side.  Not Starlord, not the Guardian of the Galaxy, not the hero.  You, but not you.  Not the you that I have fought beside and won battles with.  Not the you that helped to bring him down.  I know Peter Quill, and he is not a man who would destroy civilization because of a madman's fantasy."

Peter's expression was crumpling at the edges. 

"There may never be a time when part of you is not out of rhythm with the rest.  But that is not what matters.  The mortal side of you that resisted even when Ego was doing everything he could to empower your Celestial half and drown _you_ out—that is what matters.  That is what you should listen to.  We—me, Drax, Groot, even Rocket—all fight with Peter Quill, not the echoes of a being focused only on greed and power."  She paused, considering her next words carefully.

"I know you, Peter.  And I know that you are more than your father's wishes."

Peter swallowed and blinked a few times.  "You, uh.  You really know how to—to—" he stopped and wiped his eyes. 

Gamora took that as her cue; grabbing her sword and cloth, she got to her feet and left the cargo bay.

"Gamora, wait," Peter said right before she hit the button that would shut the door.  Gamora glanced back at him.  He really did look like a mess: his hair was sticking every which way, his eyes were lined with red, and his clothes were all rumpled.  But when he managed a smile and a genuine, "Thank you," she found that, for just a second, she could look past all of that.

"You're welcome," she said, and closed the door.


End file.
